delusion of happiness
it just seems incomprehensible to me that there are people out there that actually go to bed, or wake up in the morning, looking forward to a brand new day. its just that i couldnt understand why anyone would wake up with a smile on their face knowing they have to endure yet another day, let alone willingly put in the effort to get out of bed and actually do things for another whole day.
why would anyone want to deliberately go through the trouble of living for a whole day? and how is it that some people are not only willing, but even happy to do so? is it some kind of pathological or delusional state that one can enter somehow? because i couldnt believe someone if they told me they are actually genuinely "happy", its just that i couldnt grasp that state of mind and i couldnt take it for a genuine one to be in. to me the natural state of the world is depression and misery. i could barely recall a single day in my life that i woke up and thought to myself: "im really looking forward to today", much less having to live through whatever trouble this new day will be bringing my way.
i try to often force myself to enter this delusional but ideal state of mind where i would just pretend everything is fine, overlook any trouble, and just try to be as happy as i can. but then im just fighting myself and it just fucks me up even more. and i cant understand how some people are able to do this without going insane.
or maybe its just me? maybe the natural state of the world isnt misery? and maybe humans are naturally happy and they only sometimes go into darker periods, not the other way around? but im genuinely having a hard time accepting or believing that that could be true.
some people used to tell me that its about strength, that you just need to be strong to be able to accomplish things and carry on even though you see no point in it. and that always just made no sense to me, it just quite frustarted me. saying that something requires strength implies theres force that needs to be applied to some object to move it (metaphoricaly or not). but theres no such obstacle whatsoever, its just that the thought itself of even moving ahead is irrelevant in the first place. of what use would the strength to walk forwards be, if you dont see the point in getting up on your feet in the first place? it just makes no sense to me and it sounds like people are trying to deceive themselves into accepting a reality that they otherwise wouldnt be able to.
others say that you need to find something to live for, and maybe that truly might give things meaning. but what if you cant? who says everyone is meant to find a reason? theres definitely no mathematical rule that says everyone is meant to be happy, or that everyone is meant to find something to be strong for, or that everyone is even meant to have a reason to wake up in the morning. the things we usually tell each other are just lies that meant to make each other or ourselves feel better. and maybe it really is the only way to be happy, even if for a short while.
why would anyone want to deliberately go through the trouble of living for a whole day? and how is it that some people are not only willing, but even happy to do so? is it some kind of pathological or delusional state that one can enter somehow? because i couldnt believe someone if they told me they are actually genuinely "happy", its just that i couldnt grasp that state of mind and i couldnt take it for a genuine one to be in. to me the natural state of the world is depression and misery. i could barely recall a single day in my life that i woke up and thought to myself: "im really looking forward to today", much less having to live through whatever trouble this new day will be bringing my way.
i try to often force myself to enter this delusional but ideal state of mind where i would just pretend everything is fine, overlook any trouble, and just try to be as happy as i can. but then im just fighting myself and it just fucks me up even more. and i cant understand how some people are able to do this without going insane.
or maybe its just me? maybe the natural state of the world isnt misery? and maybe humans are naturally happy and they only sometimes go into darker periods, not the other way around? but im genuinely having a hard time accepting or believing that that could be true.
some people used to tell me that its about strength, that you just need to be strong to be able to accomplish things and carry on even though you see no point in it. and that always just made no sense to me, it just quite frustarted me. saying that something requires strength implies theres force that needs to be applied to some object to move it (metaphoricaly or not). but theres no such obstacle whatsoever, its just that the thought itself of even moving ahead is irrelevant in the first place. of what use would the strength to walk forwards be, if you dont see the point in getting up on your feet in the first place? it just makes no sense to me and it sounds like people are trying to deceive themselves into accepting a reality that they otherwise wouldnt be able to.
others say that you need to find something to live for, and maybe that truly might give things meaning. but what if you cant? who says everyone is meant to find a reason? theres definitely no mathematical rule that says everyone is meant to be happy, or that everyone is meant to find something to be strong for, or that everyone is even meant to have a reason to wake up in the morning. the things we usually tell each other are just lies that meant to make each other or ourselves feel better. and maybe it really is the only way to be happy, even if for a short while.